Lessons From My Brother
October 23 2017 By Abiodun Giwa
Dele Giwa
"I have told you that when you get to the United States, you would achieve the education that your country has denied you," my late brother would be reminding me, if he is alive today.
He would have added, "All your country's leaders are empty heads who have no idea about how to manage a country, but have forced themselves into power and mess up the country."
He was that type of man. He said his mind all the time and careless about whose ox was gored. It was one major lesson I learned from him and we may possibly have shared the same nature.
"If I were in your shoes, I would have done exactly the same thing," he said in a letter he sent me in 1975 after I informed him that I started working as an Iron bender/fixer trainee with the Technoexpostroy Bulgaria, a construction company that built the Eko Hotel, after I dropped out of high school due to lack of money to pay school fees.
Later, he told me that I was not selfish and that I should keep doing good. He admired how I took care of our parents from paltry salary of an Iron Bender trainee, and networked to keep members of the family connected. He was elated that I kept in touch with all his children and women he had relationship. And he advised, "Keep writing them to keep together. Don't ask for anything."
The advise for me not to ask for anything before I started working may have come from knowing about our deprivation and for that aspect of our lives not to tempt me to ask for money or materials. At that time, my brother had his first son's mother, a lady in Lagos he wanted to marry called 'Joke', forced by circumstances to drop after his arrival in the U.S. There was also his wife, Ann, whom he married in the U.S. I also had good relationship with his last wife before differences in the family tore us apart. My relationship with Florence Ita was between cold and warm. There was also a mother of his first daughter with whom I was very close, but decidedly put off my radar for security reasons.
"Go out there and begin to fill out forms for employment. I will feed you but I cannot cloth you," he said as a natural reaction to an adult, who is supposed to know he has to take care of himself or herself. After I got another job, he wanted to know my contribution to the upkeep in the house, with a reminder that his girlfriend, Bridget, who lived under his roof also contributed to the food supplies in the kitchen.
"By the way, how much do you have in your bank account?" he asked.
"I don't have a bank account," I replied.
"You have to go and open one and bring your passbook to keep for you. After I opened the savings account, he was angry when he discovered on arrival from a trip that I took the passbook from his bedroom and withdrew money for an urgent need. His immediate reaction was for me to go get my own place, because according to him he will not be the only person to be responsible
for plans to send me to school in the U.S. He dropped the request for me to go get my own place, when his girlfriend intervened that it was not possible for someone to be working and be unable to withdraw money for use.
There was a day my brother gave me a white shirt to iron for him and found lines on the ironed shirt. He did not take it kindly. He made me to understand that as the son of a washer man, I should be able to iron a shirt without lines. He was that kind of man who wanted everything done with excellence. After I left and got a room outside his home, and he read my stories in the Daily Times, he called and asked about how many credits I got in my efforts to pass the General Certificate Education.I told him, at that time, I had four. He was convinced there were schools in the U.S. that would consider me for admission. He went with me to the high court and swore on affidavit that he would be the one to pay my fees, for me to send with applications to U.S. schools. .
If you steal, he will tell you you are a thief, because only thieves steal. There was a problem about missing money in the Daily Times' newspaper Advertisement Department, where I worked and head of department wanted me return from vacation to help look for the money. I was not an accountant or deputy head of the department. Therefore, I told the head of the department I was not ending my vacation, but should let me know the outcome of the investigation, and that if the police wanted me I was in my house and that I would cooperate with the investigation. I refused to return to work to avoid getting detained in a police cell, while the real thieves enjoyed their loot.
For three months, there was no word from the head of the department and hunger pestered me, my wife and children in the house after I ran out of money. My wife reported the development to my brother. He went to the Daily Times and inquired about the matter. The head of the department told him that the matter was resolved. But that since I refused to resume at the end of my vacation, he assumed that I abandoned my job. My brother then asked me to go to the head of the department for clearance to enable seek job elsewhere. After the clearance from the head of the department, I got a job with Roussel Pharmaceuticals. And after five years with Roussel, I moved to Niteshift and became the entertainment outfit's corporate affairs manager.
"Never threaten your wife with divorce," he advised, when my wife reported to him that I threatened her with divorce over a disagreement. "If you know what divorce or multiple marriages cause, you will never wish to have them. I have the experience due to circumstances and I don't wish you have it," he said over a glass of stout beer in his sitting room - in the same house, where he was later bombed by seemingly faceless Nigeria's enemies.
He would have added, "All your country's leaders are empty heads who have no idea about how to manage a country, but have forced themselves into power and mess up the country."
He was that type of man. He said his mind all the time and careless about whose ox was gored. It was one major lesson I learned from him and we may possibly have shared the same nature.
"If I were in your shoes, I would have done exactly the same thing," he said in a letter he sent me in 1975 after I informed him that I started working as an Iron bender/fixer trainee with the Technoexpostroy Bulgaria, a construction company that built the Eko Hotel, after I dropped out of high school due to lack of money to pay school fees.
Later, he told me that I was not selfish and that I should keep doing good. He admired how I took care of our parents from paltry salary of an Iron Bender trainee, and networked to keep members of the family connected. He was elated that I kept in touch with all his children and women he had relationship. And he advised, "Keep writing them to keep together. Don't ask for anything."
The advise for me not to ask for anything before I started working may have come from knowing about our deprivation and for that aspect of our lives not to tempt me to ask for money or materials. At that time, my brother had his first son's mother, a lady in Lagos he wanted to marry called 'Joke', forced by circumstances to drop after his arrival in the U.S. There was also his wife, Ann, whom he married in the U.S. I also had good relationship with his last wife before differences in the family tore us apart. My relationship with Florence Ita was between cold and warm. There was also a mother of his first daughter with whom I was very close, but decidedly put off my radar for security reasons.
"Go out there and begin to fill out forms for employment. I will feed you but I cannot cloth you," he said as a natural reaction to an adult, who is supposed to know he has to take care of himself or herself. After I got another job, he wanted to know my contribution to the upkeep in the house, with a reminder that his girlfriend, Bridget, who lived under his roof also contributed to the food supplies in the kitchen.
"By the way, how much do you have in your bank account?" he asked.
"I don't have a bank account," I replied.
"You have to go and open one and bring your passbook to keep for you. After I opened the savings account, he was angry when he discovered on arrival from a trip that I took the passbook from his bedroom and withdrew money for an urgent need. His immediate reaction was for me to go get my own place, because according to him he will not be the only person to be responsible
for plans to send me to school in the U.S. He dropped the request for me to go get my own place, when his girlfriend intervened that it was not possible for someone to be working and be unable to withdraw money for use.
There was a day my brother gave me a white shirt to iron for him and found lines on the ironed shirt. He did not take it kindly. He made me to understand that as the son of a washer man, I should be able to iron a shirt without lines. He was that kind of man who wanted everything done with excellence. After I left and got a room outside his home, and he read my stories in the Daily Times, he called and asked about how many credits I got in my efforts to pass the General Certificate Education.I told him, at that time, I had four. He was convinced there were schools in the U.S. that would consider me for admission. He went with me to the high court and swore on affidavit that he would be the one to pay my fees, for me to send with applications to U.S. schools. .
If you steal, he will tell you you are a thief, because only thieves steal. There was a problem about missing money in the Daily Times' newspaper Advertisement Department, where I worked and head of department wanted me return from vacation to help look for the money. I was not an accountant or deputy head of the department. Therefore, I told the head of the department I was not ending my vacation, but should let me know the outcome of the investigation, and that if the police wanted me I was in my house and that I would cooperate with the investigation. I refused to return to work to avoid getting detained in a police cell, while the real thieves enjoyed their loot.
For three months, there was no word from the head of the department and hunger pestered me, my wife and children in the house after I ran out of money. My wife reported the development to my brother. He went to the Daily Times and inquired about the matter. The head of the department told him that the matter was resolved. But that since I refused to resume at the end of my vacation, he assumed that I abandoned my job. My brother then asked me to go to the head of the department for clearance to enable seek job elsewhere. After the clearance from the head of the department, I got a job with Roussel Pharmaceuticals. And after five years with Roussel, I moved to Niteshift and became the entertainment outfit's corporate affairs manager.
"Never threaten your wife with divorce," he advised, when my wife reported to him that I threatened her with divorce over a disagreement. "If you know what divorce or multiple marriages cause, you will never wish to have them. I have the experience due to circumstances and I don't wish you have it," he said over a glass of stout beer in his sitting room - in the same house, where he was later bombed by seemingly faceless Nigeria's enemies.
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